Oscar Tells All

september 2,2003

to MeYou , my person, mollybear, so far away

It’s not been the same since you left, not that i ever got enough of you what with you leaving all the time to hang out with that other human ,whatshisname, for bat’s sake,but that other cat thinks she owns the joint and i have to chase her every day so he’ll know, i mean really know, who’s the CAT.

Speaking of cats, i thought you should know i am flealess because she smeared advantage on me the other day, not nearly as well as you do. she means well even if she is a bit batty and she thinks so highly of that over rated undernourished limping upstart who thinks she owns the place.

You will be very proud of me when you realise what a truly fine cat i’ve become especially in the hunting department. The other one, you know the one who hisses at me,  at me, who never did anything but look hansome and softly gorgeous and i’m sure she’s jealous of my splendid fur coat and envious of my appetite. she never even finishes her plate and i know you never understood how unseemly this is to felines and why i have so gallantly continued to do the job for her to save her face, the pride of  paws and whiskers and the pain and embarrassment , the shame of an unfinishred meal. i’ve been meaning to tell you this, but it was hard for me to even admit a fellow feine was falling down on the job. but she hisses at me continuously, as i may have mentioned and you know what sensitive ears i have, and how soft and velvety and noble and proud. i do have a bit of bad news about one of my ears. i got scratched. please don’t ask me how this happened. your older human with whom you left me ( how could you?not that she’s sooooo bad, but she’s not you. nobody’s like youme and and and

where was i ?

oh she put neopurron on my ear and it felt better, but i am a marked cat unless the bump line where it happened ( please ddon’t ask it wasn’t nice and i don’t want you to be pained which i know you will be at least i mainly think you would be although it’s hard to know because you aren’t here… if only you were.

about the hunting. ihave brought in several snakes and a lizard. she always puts what i bring in out and i do feel somewhat put out about this. doesn’t she know thank you from put out? what ingratitude to such a fine provider. it’s downright pitiful. she does smooch me and tells me i’m an adorable guy, i’ll give her that, but she’s not youme and that’s that.

please write her about what you’re daily doing so i can think of you and miss you better. yourcat always,purrfectly purrfect oscar. ps  have you caught any birds or mice yourself lately?

september 4,200

i am worried about your mom because she is worried about you and she doesn’t want to say anything because she says you will figure it out but youme are different and i’m going to tell you what she said only don’t tell her i told you.she needs to keep me at the furfront of her thoughts and when i am forced into chasing the other one your mom doesn’t like it and may snub me for minutes at a time.

she said into my neck last night that she’s worried about all the stress you have  and can see it’s affecting you because you haven’t whatever she said you almost said you didn’t do for a week plus not sleeping. she’s been in the same boat. she says more fibre and water may help but you both needed to relax and PLAY more. i think you should both get swimming buddies and go for a swim once in a while for the purr pleasure of it and also to take time to do other stuff tsan work because when people burnout from too much work they can’t do anywork. i’m sorry to be the one to say this but its bad enough you’re not her and i don’t want you to get sick or feel bad. take me for example.i know how to nap and im the healthy guy iknow how to livew and you could do worse than follow my example. also earplugs to help sleep and go to housing people and ask if possible to find a roommate with a more compatible sleeping schedule. puhleeeeeeeeeze take very good the best care of your wholeself you are my sunshine my crunchies my all, youmepurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroscarmollyhappyhealthynapsmorecrunchiespurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Dear Oscar,

Not to worry. I am eating my crunchies too. I took the morning off and went downtown and bought groceries. I spent $280 EC ($110 US), but now I have a lot groceries, including lots of frozen vegetables and frozen chicken breasts imported from the US. I miss you too, big guy! Tell my mom to give you lots of kisses, and to let her get some from you too.

xoxoxo m

No problem.no worries, but are you really going to take apart a d-o-g, gasp gulp? you wouldn’t do that to me wouldje? your motyher says gloves will arrive early next week and she’s sending you care packages by post.guy at fed ex says no duty if package listed as unsolicited gift with value less than $10. she bought you lots of crunchies too.coffee crystals and splenda and ginger and such. she’s on her way to school and leaving me here as usual to snooze on her needlepoint chair which i know she doesn’t like me to because of shedding.she doesn’t know how lucky she is to have me grace and adorn anything sit on, i who am so decorative and adorable, i’m sure you’ll agree. she’s been covering up the finicky eater’s bowl in the am and i feel somewhat putout and peevish when i am prevented from making grand grestures of gallantry which i think i may have already mentioned. well at least she leaves the window open so i may take nocturnal strolls when whim commands and the mood is upon me who bites your hand in fierce love, Meyou, your oscar

sunday september 14,2003

what’s the matter with your mother this morning,for bat’s sake? she keeps muttering about missing and worrying about you. she says she knows things will come right in the long run and she doesn’t want to be pushy about  you being more proactive  ( huh?) about room mate and formal de hide ( what is that ? fancy dress togs?)and she’s going through your boxes and looking at your watchamacallits ….the orange paper things. she wants you closer to home she says and wants you to be happy. sheesh. i could have told her that, but did anyone ask me?

seriously,youme, its not exactly a picnic without youme for me either you know. take for instance my favorite room the little room with the window i can go in and out on my own whenever and everytime i want to which you know is very important to felines because we are by nature self governing autonomouse ( heh heh ) creatures capababble of advanced rat -iocination ( heh heh )   ( what’s gotten into me this morning? ) well,ahem, purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

about the little room there was a flood. yes w-a-t-e-r on the floor everywhere and this was last sunday and your mother spent the day taking everything out of the room cleaning the room and going through everything that was wet and washing a lot of things after dennisplumber came and fixed the leak that made the flood. and now there are these bears sitting on the deck airing she says looking like they own the place and how am i supposed to deal with that, for bat sake. who do they think they are anyway? and did she even ask me how i felt about them, if I,who ought to be consulted, wanted them or minded their being there ….on the very chairs on the deck that are mine, the ones i like to lounge and loaf in, in which I take my ease….as is my right, my duty, and my song.

hmmmmmmph and double hmmmmmph. i am so miffed i could hiss. but i’ll save that for you know who because that seems to be the chief of her vocabulary, the twit. how come she gets milk? true it’s not something i generally favor, but it is annoying to see her flaunt her priviled estate what with  servings endles servings i’m sure she gets more food than i do, i who am so much more corpulent who have so much more furrrrrrr to maintain whose very whickers require sustenance beyond the common lot, because i am a cat of substance and must maintain my suavité….ahem. i’m sure you’d agree, if only you were here… i miss MeYou too so very very much.

i have been doing my stretching exercises every day to keep me flexible and fluid as silk and velvet and i want you to do them too. running is ok  if you’re chasing and hunting, but to be like a cat you must stretch.and i want you to be one with me and supple and strong like me. youme

there is always more to say. i did catch a very young snake, but your mother put him back outside, before i could twitch a whisker. but i did catch and eat a spider in the bathroom that was not as good to eat as i thought, though he wiggled well.  you know who brought in a bird,the show off, and your mother wasn’t pleased so that is something,at any rat. she’s not as great or important as she thinks she is. anyone can get a bird, but a snake or a spider? that takes real courage and cunning and prowess and skill. that would be me who says meow. keep your whiskers aloft and don’t let the bird catchers get you down. you are the very finest you can be and dont forget that or be afraid to stand up for what you want and need to make your life better. until youme are in each others paws, i remain your devoted, sublime and adorable oscar,your best and only CAT.   purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

September 19,2003 Friday


you know felines don’t like to admit insufficiency, self-reliant and capable as we are, brimming with prowess and savoir-faire, meow ( i said a meowthful), so you know you are privileged to hear a rare confession and i trust that you will not blab it all over the wide world, but: i miss you.

your mother has been singing if you can’t be with the one you love,love love the one you’re with.

i am doing my best, MeYou, to live each day with the attitude of catitude….stretching and napping and purring wherever possible,keeping my tail up and i know that you have feline pride and grace as well, and still you miss me. that’s how we are. i would feline so much better if i knew for sure your tail was up as well. i know i am one of the few creatures on this planet who even knows you have a tail, an honorary assignment awarded to  humans who have deep and abiding love for the whiskered and pawed, the four legged tail bearers for whom you have so much devoted love and empathy, in whom you take so much delight, for whose lives you endeavor to care….to heal and mend and make better, a sacred trust, a noble path.

i am  so proud of you and know how hard it is to be in such a torpor of pining and longing and remembering because iam fiercely missing you too and where you are, so far from all you hold dear, where it’s so hot all the time it must be especially hard to remember why you went there in the first place.

Your mother who does kiss me but not like MeYou and she doesn’t like me to bite and she’s not that much fun to bite,your skin is so much more supple and firm and oh sigh …..any way she whispers in my ear t-r-a-n-s-f-e-r…..as a long range goal for next spring or fall …..please and then MeYou can meow, Meyou can be together sometimes. It’s only 12 weeks until we can be in each others’ paws. Don’t let anyone rub your fur the wrong way. keep your whiskers perky and tail held high. MeYou love and purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


Oscar says:

Dear MeYou,

Don’t be fooled. I miss you. It is better around here without the bossy one who wouldn’t spare me the time of day, though she did soften at the end and we did touch whiskers a couple of times… and I did bring her a mouse and she seemed to enjoy it well enough. She was on a liver tear for awhile, wouldn’t eat anything else until she had her fill and then…don’t know why I’m carrying on about her. I guess I miss her too. Your Mom is ok. She doesn’t feed me enough and she’s away a lot and when she’s here, she sits at her desk and types and is very annoyed if I jump up and sit down right in front of her. She always moves me to the side so she can pet the keyboard which doesn’t even have fur or is as soft as I nor as charming as I. Moi!: a representative of felines everywhere which, as you are well aware, is the superior species….incontestable.

I sleep a lot, not having sufficient fuel nor stamina…hmmph. Of course it is winter and I’m not the kitten I used to be, though your Mom has told me what a handsome sleek fellow I’ve become. She’s a sucker for a good prrrrrr though not necessarily my other vocalizations…and I do let her know how famished I am quite often. You’d think by now she’d understand my need and do something!!! You understand me prrrrrrrfectly, I know, dear dear MeYou. You wouldn’t let me waste away to practically nothing! I am shrinking.Do tell your Mom to take better care of me.Kibbles 3-5x a day.

I hope you and the man and the dog are well. As for those pipsqueak upstarts, well… There’s no accounting for taste.

I am and remain your devoted


p.s. Keep your tail up.

Leave a Reply